Marriage Counseling Exercises for Couples

“Marriage counseling” is a dreaded phrase that to most people implies that a marriage is on the rocks, and the couple is employing a last resort to save their relationship. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Marriage counseling exercises aren’t reserved for couples that are struggling; they’re useful for all couples.

Now more than ever, married couples have resources available to them to be strengthened and reinvigorated. These exercises will teach you how to communicate well with each other, how to understand and appreciate one another more deeply, how to handle conflict well, and develop trust and romance, among other things.

Marriage Counesling Exercises to Build Trust and Teamwork

Do a trust fall. A trust fall is an old favorite at camp or sleepovers. The idea is simple. In a clear space, say the lounge, one partner is blindfolded, and looking away from their spouse they fall backward and are caught by their spouse before hitting the ground. It’s simple, but it does an excellent job of showing whether at a basic level a couple trusts each other. This small exercise builds trust and fosters a feeling of safety and security in the relationship.

Teambuilding exercises. To continue growing together as a couple, teamwork is needed. You may try a series of activities together where you attempt something new that will call on you to rely on each other. Both of you can create a list of activities that you would both enjoy trying out together.

Whatever you choose, you can make it a good mix of fun and challenge as best suits you both. Some ideas for these teambuilding exercises include making an elaborate meal together, learning a new language, going white water rafting, or kayaking, working out together, camping or hiking.

Exercises to get to know one another

Icebreakers. Icebreakers are an old favorite when it came to getting to know strangers. They can still be useful to get to know your spouse a little better. you’d be surprised by some of the things you’ll (re)discover about them!

You can ask your spouse any number of questions, such as “Tell me a random childhood memory”, or “If you were stuck on a deserted island, what three things would you bring?”, or “Tell me something weird about yourself”, or “What’s your favorite Bible verse?”. These and many other icebreaker questions can get you two talking and connecting.

Game of truth. This game is all about asking one another questions and answering them honestly. Questions can include anything, from heavy topics to the lightest of fare. Questions you could ask your spouse include:

• “Who is your truest inspiration?”
• “What is your biggest fear?”
• “What do you hope for most in this world?”
• “What’s the best memory you have of your childhood?”

Book swap. The books that you read and enjoy convey a lot about you. A book swap is mainly about getting a glimpse into what your spouse enjoys and values, and vice versa. Check out one another’s books and ask each other what you like most about the books you value.

Music sharing. As with the books we love to read and reread, the music we love not only reflects our taste, but it also conveys what’s important to us. Our music is also often tied closely with some of our favorite memories. Share your music with your partner, listen to what they enjoy and maybe share some of the memories and thoughts sparked by the music you like. This is a wonderful way to help your spouse understand you better.

Exercises to build intimacy

Extended cuddle time. In the busy lives of a couple, spending time simply holding one another can often fall to the wayside. Holding one another for an extended period releases oxytocin, one of the feel-good hormones that improve your mood, deepen your connection, and can even help you sleep better.

Cuddle more, and more often! You can do this exercise at any time of day, whether in the morning when you wake up, at night just before bed, or you can find a gap during the day that works for you.

Soul gazing. This exercise is simple and is meant to develop your sense of connectedness. Find a comfortable place for you and your spouse to sit silently facing each other for about three to five minutes.

You should be close enough to one another so that your knees are nearly touching, and simply look into each other’s eyes. Maintain eye contact for three to five minutes, and don’t speak during that time. Keep looking into one another’s eyes, even though it may be a bit awkward at first.

Exercises to create space to engage

Consistent date night. The busyness of life can rob a couple of the space they need to simply be with one another. Carving out a regular time to focus on each other, talk, and connect fosters positive emotions, and it creates an opportunity for a couple to reconnect emotionally and sexually.

Unplug technology. It’s no secret that the ubiquity of technology in daily life means that our noses can be in our phones all day, and a marriage can become a couple simply being alone together. for this exercise, simply unplug from all technology – your phone, tablet, smart tv, or anything else.

Switch them off, and for 10-15 undistracted minutes each day, spend that time talking with your spouse, telling them the things you appreciate about them. The purpose of the exercise is to spend intentional time connecting, appreciating one another, and fostering positive thinking.

Marriage check-in/CEO meeting. Apart from date night, having a separate time during the week where a couple does a check-in is valuable. This is a space, maybe thirty minutes to an hour a week, where a couple can speak to one another frankly, but with grace, about where they are.

This meeting is one where the kids aren’t present – adults only. The things that can come up in the meeting include what they’re concerned about, areas of frustration in the marriage, and what could use improvement. It’s a time to listen carefully and to be heard, with both spouses committed to not getting offended or defensive.

The highs and the lows. One exercise that a couple can put into practice every night is asking one another about their highs and lows of the day. This gives them both an opportunity to share where they are emotionally and mentally, and to practice active listening skills while their spouse is talking.

Exercises to help you deal with conflict

Write out an appreciation list. This list can help a couple begin restructuring how they think and feel about one another. You can start by writing out perhaps five things that your spouse does that you appreciate, followed by five things that you think your spouse could be doing to make you feel more secure, loved, or appreciated in your marriage.

This exercise is constructive in that it helps place the focus and emphasis on the good you can celebrate in the relationship before you start looking at ways to improve things.

Don’t go to bed angry.

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. – Ephesians 4:26-27

This is a great piece of wisdom that can bless any marriage. While it’s not always possible to resolve every conflict before you go to bed, you can shelve the conversation for the next day after having done an exercise like the appreciation list so that your last thought of your spouse before you sleep is a positive one. The following morning, you can tackle the issue again when you’re well-rested.

Leave it until Monday.

For some issues, postponing engaging a problem till a later date might help you by giving you perspective on whether you want to have that argument or not. If by the time the earmarked date arrives the issue isn’t relevant or pressing, then you can let it go.

On the other hand, if you feel it still needs addressing, you’ll likely have the advantage of having given it some thought and gained distance from the original moment, allowing you to speak calmly and less emotively.

Christian Marriage Counseling

All marriages can benefit from implementing new (or old) ideas to help the couple communicate better, with empathy, and to grow in intimacy and a deeper knowledge of one another. These and many other marriage counseling exercises  can help to strengthen relationships, deepening their joy and foundations for when they inevitably meet seasons of hardship.

If you’re looking for additional support, feel free to browse our counselor directory to find a Christian marriage counselor to meet your relationship needs.